On the Naming of Kids
Pumpkinpie has announced that she has a name for hew new baby brother, and it is Max.
If only it were so easy.
When we were expecting Pumpkinpie, I started the naming process by giving Misterpie a list of five girl names that I loved and would be thrilled to have any one of. He immediately vetoed all five. I may or may not have told him he sucked. Baby name books were broken out and rifled for possibilities, and possibilities. Long lists of anything acceptable were drawn on either side, then cross-checked and vetoed. We finally came down to two names - the one I could live with and knew he'd like, but thought was a little boring for what I was after, and the one we ended up with. We knew someone of that name, so to check, we asked her if she liked it, and if it would weird her out if we used it. Yes, and no, so after more than three months of arguing, groaning, calling each other rude names, and generally agonizing, Pumpkinpie it was.
During that time, my mother kept calling with suggestions, even after I had told her that we were not soliciting or even entertaining opinions. Which maybe wouldn't have been quite so aggravating, had the names not been quite so hideous. Gertrude? Hortense? Those aren't names, they are child abuse. She's been told again exactly what I thought of those last suggestions and that I won't be opening discussions on the naming. Like last time, she will be told the name after the Bun issues forth and we call to let everyone know of his arrival. In fact, we only told a handful of very close friends last time, and I imagine it will be the same in this case.
But this time, I got smart and skipped the high hopes portion of last pregnancy's naming programme. Instead, I started by bringing home books and making lists of anything I didn't think was entirely horrid, laughable, or unworkable with the last name our children bear (which rules out a fair few, in fact). So once the whole ultrasound thing was past, we decided we'd better open negotiations if the poor kid was to have a name in time for his birth.
Misterpie was surprisingly open-minded this time in the initial round of vetoes, though that may be because he knew better than to wade in swinging his axe this time, and maybe because I had had a rough few days before we started. I'll have to remember that as a tactical move next time we have a big decision to make. Only a few names went down that round. I have taken out a few more myself, reading them a couple of months later and finding them not so agreeable. We may be down to some dozen or so by now.
Which means the tough part is starting. Misterpie told me he has a favourite right now, though he is notoriously fickle, so it could change. It's not my favourite, though, so I'm trying to picture using it and, well, even though it's from my list... I'm not sure. I have a few I particularly like, but I think he's not too sure. Sigh. Good thing we still have four months, but I think they might be long ones. How do we ever decide these things, as parents?
Labels: Baby Bun
posted by kittenpie @ 12:55 PM
23 Comments:
You have the last say as the one carrying it, feeding it, and eventually pushing it out of your body..you trump him on this decision..Period
We went to hospital with name lists in hand (well, in bag, anyway), but before the second day was done, our girls each had names. Our excuse with Pumpkin was that she came two weeks early, so we'd hadn't decided yet... but when Penguin came two weeks early herself, we were still at the list stage.
I didn't mind. Some names that I liked (Cassie, for example) just didn't fit Pumpkin once she was born, so we had to hold her and try on a few names.
But Penguin, I was pretty sure I wanted to name her what we did as soon as she was in my arms.
I have to say I think naming is HARD! Maybe not _quite_ as hard as pushing out that baby, but very, very close.
We had no problem naming our son, he was named by the time I was 12 weeks pregnant - and he suited that name when he was born.
This time around I strongly suspect I am having a girl - and we are finding names a bit tougher. I am set on one name in particular - and as long as it doesn't become "common" I think we will be using it. Even the picky hubby agrees.
Totally have first name picked, and are even settled on spelling, it's just the middle name that's a sticking point. Hard decision to make for sure.
that girl - You're not the first person to tell me that, but I think it's a decision that, like most big decisions, we should make together as parents. We like to work as a team on most things, and even though it sometimes makes it harder to sort our way to consensus, I do think it's worth it in the long run.
Plus, I do get to dress it, decorate the nursery, make Misterpie take time off work to help me out the first week or so, and demand delivery of great, groaning platters of sushi after the Bun's arrival, so it's not without perks, the bearing of the child!
I've become one of those women who already has names but no baby! Graham likes the names, too, so I think we're probably set when the time comes.
As I read recently, "Pick something you won't get tired of saying fourteen times in a row." (from Kevin Guilfoile's essay in Things I Learned About My Dad (In Therapy))
It seems that we go with a name that I like, and one that my hubby doesn't hate. The conversation is rather frustrating.
We had three names picked out that we liked equally when we chose them (after 10 years of arguing over "Catherine, Katherine", eventually letting them cancel each other out). But we made the mistake of letting my father-in-law know what they were, and he proceeded to call my unborn daughter by one of those names consistently, and annoyingly.
He pissed me off so much with that crap, despite our repeated assurances that we had not yet decided, that eventually I swore a silent vow to myself that I would never give her that name. My wife silently swore a similar vow. So we went to the hospital with two names.
We didn't decide until we saw her little leprechaun face.
By the time we had The Baby, my husband refused to talk about it anymore. She was actually UNNAMED for a while.... but you'll figure it out and this kid will have a name, really.
As much as I would like the naming to be my sole decision, I agree with you that the husband should have equal say.
We argued with both boys, and could only decide on girls names. Sigh.
You should stick with the whole pie theme.
I'm going to go out on a limb and toss Rhubarb into the pot. I mean, it's perfect. Rhubarbpie! ;)
Anyway, I have a lot of pull with naming decisions, but KayTar's name was the ONLY one we could both agree on. If we ever have more kids, the girls are just out of luck.
'Those aren't names, they are child abuse.'
love it.
My friend had a boy yesterday and the older sister is pleased but the second is PISSED. AND now she is a middle child so things are going downhill from here. Good think I am her godmother. I'd better go get her some nice gifts.
I may or may not have told him he sucked.
*snort*
Naming is SO HARD. Dave and I have a name picked out if we ever have another boy, but if we had another girl I think there's a chance we might get divorced before the baby was born because we couldn't agree on a name.
If naming our future yet-to-be-conceived child is as difficult as naming our DOG was, I'm in a heap of trouble.
Those aren't names, they are child abuse
rofl...that's what I was thinking about all the names my MIL so "helpfully" suggested.
the name choosing process is never an easy one (at least not for us)
everyone has an opinion that's for sure.
we had three in mind, then when Lulu was born none of them seemed right.
So we ended up going with a name that was fourth on the list instead.
good luck- and at least it serves as a bit of a distraction right?
Max is a pretty sweet name btw.
sorry, had to put it out there ;
I'm a lurker, but who can resist a naming post?
We were convinced our first was a boy. We named "him" and called him by name throughout the pregnancy. Then SHE was born and we did some scrambling. We thought we were smarter with the second and had a list of 5 girls and 5 boys names we liked...then she was born and just didn't LOOK like any of the chosen names. Scramble again. By the third we decided it was bad luck to even discuss names and waited until he was born. It just seemed easier.
At least in our province you can't leave the hospital until the birth certificat has been filled out. My brother in law didn't get his baby named until it was almost 6 weeks old, they were still fighting about it.
Eh, no matter what you name them, at some point they will hate it. I on the other hand, LOVE my first name and always have, but I hate my middle name. So guess what my daddy has always called me by? Uh huh, yeah. Dads....
Get a 5 name short list, wait 'til he pops out, then look at him real hard and you'll just know what name is the right one. I am always astonished that people name their children before they see them.
I freakin loved the name conversations. I loved the shortlist. I loved telling my mother 8 gazillion times that her granddaughter was not going to be named Marjorie Louise. Sigh. Maybe I should have another?
I agree with the 'wait til he's here' advice. So long as you love that shortlist.
Boy names are hard! We each made a short list, mostly based on the US Social Security top names list (in the top 100, but not in the top 20), and then we compared. Then I got too tired to think about it, and towards the end, SwingDaddy fortunately liked my favorite name enough that we went ahead!
also my friend named her child David without warning me. That is the geneticists name.
gag.
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